Of all of the posts I've written, of all of the words, these will absolutely be some of the weightiest and life-altering.
There really is no other way to say this except: I am pregnant. I will be having a child. It wasn't in the plan and any of you who has known me for more than five minutes knows that having children was not in my future vision for my life. At all. But, as many of you and now especially I know, life doesn't really care what our plans are. My boyfriend and the father, is the only one I could imagine to be the one who is here with me now, next month and for whatever happens for our little family in the future.
My due date is September 17th. Which is just shy of three and a half months away. Without going too terribly far into the medical details but to also ensure I'm not grouped into the MTV-class of women eligible for a ridiculous reality show (Toilet-babies, anyone?), I had done everything I was supposed to, taken every measure to guarantee this didn't happen. But, I ended up being the 1 in 100 for whom preventative methods just don't work, the less than 5%, the miracles or the ones who end up in a room being told something they never thought in a million years they would hear. But I was that one. I am in that small percent. I heard those words at 1:34 p.m. on Wednesday June 8th telling me I would be a mother.
At this exact moment, I am listening to my baby's heartbeat. It is sticking to a steady 145-160 bpm and much to my nurses' chagrin, he or she moves around a lot making the monitor unable to read as it should. It is so surreal and so strange and so not at all what I thought I would be doing one day before my twenty-ninth birthday. What a present, right?
In addition to being told I would be a mother, I would also be staying in the hospital...until the baby arrives. We are both healthy at this moment but because of a small complication, I cannot go home. I cannot work. I cannot be out of bed for more than a few minutes at a time. My full time job will to work through my reading list, write the next great American novel, and keep this little critter in my belly as long as possible which, best case, is two months but could be in the next two days (let's all not hope for that).
Someone, something, some great universal being or power or God himself wants me to have a kid, wants me to be a mom. And know I am embracing this shift, this life-altering reality. I am excited to TRY to be the kind of parent I've always said should exist to create the most incredible and respectful and just downright cool kid (because all any of us can ever do is try). I have such an amazing support system and there are many things that are going to happen and plans (tentative because, well, you know, those can't always be counted on) we are so excited about.
I'm sure there is much to be figured out, steps to take, things to buy and favors to be asked but for now, know I am happy, we are healthy, and we couldn't be in better hands.
Much love to you all, from the three of us. More to come...