Tuesday, April 1, 2014
The season has finally gotten around to changing. It has been up and down, hot and cold, cloudy and bright for what has felt like months. I couldn't get into a routine, and I had been feeling really bad about it. I missed working out, I missed cooking at home, I missed reading as much as I used to when I was in school - even if it was assigned. But more than anything I missed writing. Too much work, too many after-work drinks, too many things that I want to do, too many obligations/responsibilities/dishes/laundry/grocery shopping. And on top of all of that, I burdened myself with the disappointment that I am not doing anything with my "degrees."
I am my own worst enemy.
But then, there are those moments of clarity, when a friends asks me: "If you could do whatever you wanted, what would you do?" I responded that I would write, I would write constantly, books and essays and short stories and reviews and editorials. And the funny thing is I am already doing it. Just because I haven't published anything, just because I haven't made a name for myself out there, just because I feel like there is still much that I can learn and do and practice and revise and change and finish and start all over, doesn't mean I'm not a writer yet.
I am doing exactly what I want to do, when and how I want to do it. I am the girl that is talked about in this article. I have a job but not a career. And that is exactly how I want it. Even though the scared and responsible and culturally influenced part of me gets nervous sometimes that I should settle down and grab a 9-5, the bigger part of me, the brave part, the adventurous part doesn't want those constrictions.
So in this new season, on these warmer days with weather that allows for sitting outside and floating down a river and walking long walks with Roxy, I will remember to be a little kinder to myself. I will try to be patient, and the only diligence and determination that I will try to strengthen will be in my pursuit of writing, my craft, my outlet, my passion. I will complete those 10,000 hours. I will embody the life of a writer. I will walk the path of a traveler. And I will soak up all that this time and this place and these people have to offer.