It's been a while since my last few posts - I was getting a bit sick of my own writing and my own voice and my own desperate whining. So I stopped for a little while. And then I moved, and picked up a ton of shifts, and have a new roommate which means I have three, ready made and brand new excuses for not having enough time to do the things that I should be doing - things that make me happy - things that will make me a better person - things that will nudge me further up on my own self-created ladder of success.
Anyway, here I am, blogging again, trying to look for the good, look for the hopeful, turn my face to the sun like so many other things with less cognition than us "superior" humans have.
As I mentioned, I moved earlier this week. And it's great, it's south, it's closer to work, it's bigger, it has a yard for Roxy, and I found an amazing 5 mile route for running late last night, the cold air whipping my face, not a soul around (stuff to make my mother worry for sure). And there is also a Panera Bread, 2 miles from my new house. Now, Panera and I have a very special relationship. I love Panera, it's always there for me when I need a quick breakfast or a long morning and afternoon visiting with my mom, studying with my friend for hours on end during finals, nestling in with my headphones in and typing up these thoughts (as I am now). It was where I completed my thesis.
I know I should stay away - all those vicious carbs completely undoing that great run I took last night, more expensive than eating at home, blah blah blah. But I have found no other place where I get so much writing done. It has the perfect balance of distraction and quiet, free internet, breakfast rolling into lunch (and sometimes dinner if I'm really going strong) and did I mention coffee?
And the beauty of this new Panera, the charm of the place beyond its proximity to my new home, is it's staff it's layout it's feel it's charm. The Panera closest to me when I lived up north was not comfortable. Their staff was only sometimes friendly, and so, SO often got my order wrong. Having worked in the service industry for nearly 12 years now, I am not one to complain about the food and drink I receive. I cannot recall sending something back or asking for something for free. So at the Panera up north, it was almost like a game to see what it was I actually ended up with. I discovered new things that I had never ordered and had to ask about next time by describing the surprise of what ended up coming with me instead of what I actually ordered. Things were almost always forgotten and the coffee was almost always out. They were always training new staff and there was usually a long line.
None of that exists here, at least not yet. And it just feels better here.
I started the "NaNoWriMo" a week ago, National Novel Writing Month, and it's been great so far. The goal is to produce 1,666 words a day, 50,000 words in 30 days. Roughly 180-200 pages. It is a great and fantastic thing that is keeping me writing everyday because even one day, a thousand words missed can set you so far behind. My story so far is melancholy, fiction, but so infused with memories of my life. And those things, memories, are constructions anyway, fictionalized reproductions of what actually happened to us. I think we would think our lives much less interesting if we had perfect and accurate accounts of the people we used to be the things we did the things we said were said to us done to us for us by us through us.
Which is why I am here now, when I should be unpacking, when I should be going to the bank to the store to buy groceries to the gym to employment agencies. But I'm going to stay, I'm going to fill my coffee cup, loosen my mom-made scarf and settle in to write until I need to get ready for work.
I wish you all a safe and comfortable place to find productivity.